I automatically knew what my revision piece was going to be the second I read the assignment. I chose my first essay on Identity. When I first wrote my paper, I thought I had done so well. What I got back in my grade was a rude awakening. My thesis that I had thought was extremely specific wasn’t very exact at all. I got hung up on the word “you” and kept jumping on my soapbox and screaming at my readers, telling them what they do and what they thought. The assignment was to prove what the greatest obstacles or challenges to developing a strong sense of self-identity were. I pointed out an obstacle of our peers by using a quote from Emily White’s essay “High School’s Secret Life.” She pointed out that we shape our identity to that of imitating our peers by saying, “They all imitate one another because the imitation speaks of their power. In this context conformity is not a cop-out but a way of broadcasting the fact that your aren’t a weirdo, that you are speaking in the signs of the chosen ones” (18). I delivered a proving of my argument well, but failed to stay on target in my conclusion and lost my thesis throughout the entire essay. After much revision, I feel like I accomplished a valid argument.
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